Wild Fiction

Please Do Not Lock The Door

2011-06-11T14:41:00.000-07:00

I was recently lucky enough to be inside a restroom which had this sign on the back of the door. It was in a patient's room in a hospital. So why if they don't want you to lock the door do they put a lock on the door?

Did you have to pick your nose?

2011-06-11T13:44:00.000-07:00

I glanced in the review mirror and saw my daughter's hair all over the place and thought it would make a good video. The wife, being the dab hand she is at amazing videos shot her. On reviewing it I discover there's a nose pick in there.

My strategy to keep boys away from her is to post lots of these types of videos and point her suitors at them and then when I feel she's old enough to start dating (maybe 25?) I'll take them down.

Note the foot on the back of my chair. In the background are some Palo Verdes, Mesquites, and a few Saguaro Cacti.

The Awesome Puddle Jumper

2011-05-29T16:24:00.000-07:00

We were on vacation in Rocky Point and saw this kid wearing a Puddle Jumper and we were so impressed we went out and got one for our kid. The cool thing about it is that it's a pair of arm bands (with flotation foam not air) and they are physically attached to a flotation band that goes around the chest so it keeps the kid's face up and out of the water. We go ours from Target (I think) but most people who have seen our kid with one have got theirs from Amazon: Puddle Jumper at Amazon.

The Monkey and the Expert

2011-01-28T17:59:00.000-08:00

I've just spent the day skiing with Fat Charlie. On our first real run (i.e. not traversing to get to the far side of the mountain) we discovered a freestyle course that had been marked out on Ray's Ridge (Purgatory) but hadn't been skied enough to create large bumps so we tried to ski it a few times trying to create those bumps.

My friends often tell me that I ski like a monkey. Fat Charlie (aka Jim) was kind enough not to make that comment. Here is how the monkey skis the freestyle course:

And here is the expert doing the upper section of the same course:

And if you're still reading then here is a shot of Jim doing that same section but caught from the bottom of the run looking up:

The second fastest car on the road

2011-01-04T17:58:00.000-08:00

If I'm exceeding the speed limit I like to have another car pass me every now and then. This is the decoy car and the one that the police will pull over instead of me.

This morning it actually worked. On the way to work heading east on Greenway from Tatum the car next to me pulled away at about 2 MPH faster than I did and I watched with relief as the police car behind me changed lanes and pulled him over instead.

Truth in Comedy

2010-11-24T06:23:00.000-08:00

Just finished reading Truth in Comedy by Charna Halpern, Del Close and Kim "Howard" Johnson while at the same time taking an eight week improv class from The Torch Theatre. The two of them complemented each other perfectly.

Here are my take-aways from the book:

Don't tell jokes, just be honest, there's nothing funnier than the truth.
Take the scene seriously.
Always agree, this is the only rule that cannot be broken. i.e. Yes, and... Accept and build
Don't try and force connections, they'll happen naturally.
There are no bad ideas.
There are no mistakes
Make your fellow players look good.
Respect choices made by others.
Don't ask questions, instead, make assumptions.
Listen for the whole idea and remember what has been said. Don't try and think ahead when someone is speaking, instead listen carefully to them. i.e. avoid preconceived notions.
Follow the unexpected twist. i.e. pick up the exciting/different/unusual/active part of what's been given to you and go down that path.
Avoid exposition, the audience can invent their own past to a scene.
Be specific and avoid generalities. Don't be the Vague Man.
Welcome silences, allow this as time for thought.
Reflect the other person's ideas.
Find your purpose in each game and be it.

My biggest problem is asking too many questions. I always want to ask a question to the other players which puts them on the spot to come up with an answer. This is what I'm currently working on to improve.

Food poisoning in Mexico

2010-10-03T19:42:00.000-07:00

As you can probably guess from the title I recently got food poisoning while on vacation in Mexico. However, it was not from food sourced in Mexico. My wife cooked this amazing chicken curry early in the morning before we left for Mexico. That evening at Rocky Point we had the curry and then a couple of hours later my stomach started evacuating the food in both directions.

Stomach: "This is not a drill, GET OUT, GET OUT!"

My wife, the angel that she is, insisted on calling the resort doctor. Turns out they didn't have a doctor but they said that they would send a paramedic. Within a few minutes we had three paramedics in the condo taking my blood pressure and temperature. They were ecstatic to hear that the food came from Phoenix and not Mexico and doled out anti-nausea and electrolytes. They were extremely nice and attentive and great to see such highly competent personnel arrive in such a short period of time. Viva Mexico!

Being hounded by the paparazzi

2010-09-11T15:16:00.000-07:00

So I'm making a call to my broker. Apple are clearly going to crash now that the Droid is pushing the iPhone out of the market so I'm dumping all AAPL.

I look up and I notice that the bloody paparazzi are shooting me again. Is there no way to get any privacy around here?

There was only one thing to do. Grab that camera and smash it to pieces.

Wellness Score 2010

2010-06-02T13:07:00.001-07:00

Last year my wellness score was 85. The year before it was 95. This year it's in the middle at 91. I'm convinced that they've changed the formula because I know that I'm in better shape than 2 years ago. Next year I'm going for 105.

First drink in 51 months

2009-12-27T20:08:00.000-08:00

On the 23rd September 2005 I gave up drinking (booze) for a year. This got way out of control and yesterday, 4 years and 3 months and 3 days I still had not had a drink. Today I put all of this behind me and had my first drink in over 51 months.

It was a glass of Shiraz/Cabernet from Penfolds, Koonunga Hill (Australia) served up at Macaroni Grill and it tasted delicious.

The reason that I gave up drinking was because I had been drinking all my adult life and I wanted to test myself to see if I had the will power to stop drinking. I also knew that it would be healthier for me not to drink. I enjoy being healthy and living a healthy lifestyle and it was on my doctor's advice that I started drinking again.

She's the same age as me as is her husband and she tells me that she makes him drink a glass of red wine each week (even though he doesn't like it) because it's good for him. I'd always known that red wine in moderation is good for you but had never considered this part of a health regime because I'd always been in the habit of having several glasses of that and many other drinks every week.

It's good to have one leg dangling off the wagon.

What's Left

2009-12-13T20:11:00.000-08:00

I was just updating my accounts with the new Quicken 2010 and it tells me that I have around -$4k in my accounts. I'm sure I have a positive balance but that doesn't worry me compared to when I'm next going to be paid which is in 1,786,456 days time. A quick division by 365 tells me that my next pay check should arrive in 4,894 years time. I wonder if Intuit employees get paid more often than that...

Dog on pickup

2009-11-29T17:59:00.001-08:00

Pinetop Lakeside in Arizona. I was amazed at the balance that this dog had. I have no idea how the dog is holding on but the truck went around a corner and the dog didn't flinch.

Sedona Colors

2009-11-09T22:06:00.001-08:00

Took a hike at West Fork in Sedona. Pretty fall colors.

Scorpion Hunting

2009-11-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

Not too long ago I bought a Black-Light ultra-violet flashlight very similar to this one. As soon as I had it I enthusiastically went around our community at nighttime looking for scorpions especially around all the houses that had reported having had them. I did this for about three nights in a row and was disappointed to find none and blamed the flashlight for not being powerful enough.

Fast forward to last night and a friend in the community tells me that he has also just got a black light flashlight and had recently found a whole bunch of scorpions. With renewed enthusiasm I went out with him last night and we managed to squash 7 of them.This is an image of 4 of the dead scorpions in a bowl being illuminated with the black light.

The West Wing

2009-11-06T22:22:00.000-08:00

When we took a vacation to Solana Beach at the end of September we stayed in a condo which happened to have the first season of The West Wing and so we started watching it. It didn't take more than a few episodes to get us hooked and when we got back we scoured Craig's List and found the complete series and started watching.

This has to be the most enjoyable way to watch any series. It's now about 6 to 7 weeks after we started watching it and we're on season five. Each season ends with a great cliff-hanger and I love that we can be watching the resolution in the next few minutes instead of having to wait half a year for it.

When the dialog gets too complicated (I am simple) I can rewind and switch on sub-titles and there are no commercials. I still haven't bought a Tivo but watching this series all the way through has pretty much convinced me to stay away from standard TV programming and go to something that will stream.

Do Not Call Register

2009-10-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

Every now-and-then we get a marketing call to sell us something. It's not very often because (1) our number is unlisted and (2) it's on the do not call register. It's ironic that you unlist your number (at a cost) in order not to receive solicited calls and then you have to list it in order to not receive calls.

Well I got a call today asking for money and I asked them where they got the number. It was on some list that they had because apparently we've been giving money to charity and the charity organizations share lists of people like us. I then mentioned that the number is on the do-not-call register. At that point the lady told me that she worked for a Non Profit and they are exempt from referencing the do-not-call list.

The Paradoxical Gym Entrance

2009-09-30T17:48:00.001-07:00

I remember seeing this photo of an entrance to a gym a number of years ago and was reminded of it again today. I'm reading a book called The Black Swan and in it he mentions gym members riding an escalator to get to the gym and then going straight on to the stair climber.

I had always been puzzled as to why there would be escalators leading up to the entrance of the gym and I think that I now have the very boring answer. The escalators actually lead from the parking lot to the level where the gym and other shops are - not just the gym. Another explanation that I came up with was that the gym rented the space after the building was built and the escalators were there before. Boring but I'm happy after years of worrying about this that I now have an answer.

Writing a Damn Good Novel

2009-09-29T08:23:00.001-07:00

A number of years ago I wrote a novel called Wild Fiction and it was this novel that started this blog although this blog doesn't have anything to do with the novel, it just shares the name and the idea that you can't always trust what you read here.

If you want to read the novel you can do so for free online here: Wild Fiction

I never had the novel published in print (although I know that it is ridiculously easy and inexpensive to do so now) so don't go looking for it on Amazon.

While I was writing Wild Fiction I read a ton of books on how to write a novel. The two best books out of all of them were:

and

These books were also the shortest of any of the "how to" books but don't have any waffle - they are all 100% quality content.

What I love about these books is James Frey's attempt at trying to help you overcome writers block in the first book and then telling you that it doesn't exist in the second book and to just get over it and stop being so bloody lazy.

Enjoy and please post a comment if you've read either of those.

Sandpipers on Solana Beach California

2009-09-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

I thought that these Sandpipers that we came across on Solana Beach in California were pretty cool.

Walgreens you suck

2009-08-09T11:39:00.000-07:00

My wife calls Walgreens and CVS to find out which pharmacy is cheaper for a prescription she needs filled. Walgreens quotes $11 and CVS $17 so she obviously drops it off at Walgreens. When she goes to pick it up Walgreens say that they made a mistake and that it's $19. My wife asks if they can either honor their original quote or price match CVS and they say they will do neither but my wife can take her prescription back and get it filled at CVS. My wife not wanting to waste another hour and suspecting that the gas will cost $2 sucks it up and gets the prescription from Walgreens.

Walgreens that's BAD customer service - today you are at the top of my list of "Companies That Suck."

Image IQ #8

2009-08-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

What is this device? It took me a while but I eventually worked it out. It's a game, however, I've never seen this game played but would certainly like to try it one day.

And for another point, where in Phoenix, AZ is this course?

The decline of my blog

2009-07-17T16:38:00.000-07:00

On the right hand side of the blog there's an archive widget that shows how many posts I've made since I started this blog in 2006. For past years it reads:

2006: 156

2007: 96

2008: 56

2009: 8 so far

We're already half way through 2009 so it looks like I'm going to get about 16 posts up this year. It's not because I haven't been doing anything it's because a time thief has been robbing me daily.

Wellness Score 2009

2009-06-01T10:22:00.000-07:00

Last year my Wellness Score was 95. This year it's 85 which means that I'm 10 points less healthy this year. Aparently I don't do enough physical activity which surprises me because yesterday I went mountain biking in the desert, used the Wii Fit and went for a swim. I also don't eat enough fruit and veg which is ironic because I was eating a bowl of berries while answering the survey.

Fat in Flight

2009-04-19T21:41:00.000-07:00

In August 2008 I blogged Airline Fat Tax where I proposed that airlines charge passengers by total weight (luggage and biomass combined). This will removed the price discrimination that is currently in place where lighter people subsidise the ticket prices for heavier passengers.

In the CBS news story United To Charge Heavier Passengers Twice To Fly we hear about how passengers that don't fit into one seat now need to buy a ticket for a second seat next to them. This is reasonable because they are taking up 2 seats. If a parent is traveling with a child in their lap they still need to pay an extra fare even though that child isn't taking up a seat.

However, what the airlines are missing at the moment is the weight discount approach. In order to reduce how much they offend their passengers they should charge a higher price and offer discounts for each pound your total weight is under their threshold. $1/pound sounds reasonable to me. Someone who's luggage and body weighs in at 240 lbs should be given a $60 refund to their credit card once they've checked-in at the airport assuming that a 300 lbs threshold per person is set. Of course there would also have to be a minimum because you're taking up a seat.

What effect would this have? Easy, people who are lighter and/or travel with lighter luggage will suddenly start traveling with that airline. The airline is carrying less weight and using less fuel and can offer a more competitive price to its customers. The other airlines have to handle the heavy weights.

Being an extra

2009-03-29T21:47:00.000-07:00

One of my goals in life is to be an extra in a film. I have a friend who played the part of a stunt corpse in American Ninja 4 - The Annihilation and on a stag weekend we ended up in a hotel that had a small video collection which had American Ninja 4 and he showed us the scene that he starred in and it was so cool to be watching the movie with one of the "stars."

Today, my wife and I went and watched the Reduced Shakespeare Company's production of Completely Hollywood at the Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts (theater 4301). There were only 3 actors doing the performance and as part of the act they included members of the audience. I remember hearing someone complain about this before saying that they go to the theater to be entertained and not to have to entertain. I sometimes feel that way, but not today.

This was very well done. The part that my wife and I "starred" in was a scene where eight members of the audience were pulled on stage and we were each given different and sometimes multiple roles. Ours was to be a young couple dancing and we put on an absolutely fantastic Oscar award winning performance.

What we lacked in youth and skill we made up for in enthusiasm. It was a lot of fun.

Shovelling Sunshine

2009-03-04T16:56:00.000-08:00

We've had a particularly rough winter in Phoenix this year. They say that we've already had 17.5 zillion photons of sunshine. Every single morning this winter I've had to shovel sunshine out the driveway before getting the car out.

I've put in an application with my HOA's architecture committee to plant some trees next to my drive. I'm hoping that the shade from these trees will solve this problem.

Image IQ #7

2009-03-01T13:44:00.000-08:00

Where in Arizona can you see this aerial image of Oprah and what I assume is a promotion for 3 TV?

Javalinas on Canal Path

2009-02-28T22:39:00.000-08:00

Out biking on the canal path on the south side of Reach 11 came across these two javalinas. I was holding the camera with one hand while cycling. I need to get a steady-cam for these action shots.

Golden Globes Best Dressed

2009-01-11T21:20:00.000-08:00

I was just watching some of the Golden Globes' red carpet arrivals and the standard question that they were all being asked was "who dressed you?" The answers were typical; Calvin Klein, Gucci, Valentino, Versace, Christian Dior etc.

Now I know that most of you celebrities read my blog so I have a dare for you. Next time you're asked that question on the red carpet say "Wal-Mart." Go on, I dare you.

Threesome with Alyssa Milano

2009-01-10T16:42:00.000-08:00

I had a dream last night. It was a work dream. There's a particular analytical come mathematical problem that I've been trying to solve at work and it's been on my mind and ended up in my dream. In fact I think that I solved the problem in my dream but I couldn't remember the solution when I woke up.

Which brings me to waking up. My wife didn't look very happy. I asked her what the problem was and she told me that she'd had a dream and it was sexual and it involved me, her and Alyssa Milano. We were involved in a threesome and my wife was not happy with it.

This is so unfair. I dream about math and she gets to dream about me in a menage a trois.

(I had no idea who Alyssa Milano was until she told me that she was the girl from Who's the Boss.)

Himalayan Grill Flagstaff

2008-12-27T19:47:00.000-08:00

I have to write about this restaurant because it's the best Indian food I've tasted in America and one of the best (yet hardly known) restaurants in Arizona. It's the Himalayan Grill and it can be found at 801 S Milton Ave in Flagstaff, Arizona.

This evening we had the Shrimp Saag and Chicken Tikka Masala, both to die for. For the last 2 years they've won Best Indian and this year Best Ethnic as well. One thing that makes them stand out though is the fantastic service. They're exceptionally accommodating and very friendly. This is the fourth time that we've been there and we wish they'd open a branch in Phoenix.

Target Gift Card

2008-12-23T19:02:00.000-08:00

I was wondering what I was going to do with the $60 Target gift card that I'd been given by a friend for Christmas when a spark of an idea entered my head.

I took the gift card to Target and bought six $10 gift cards. One of them I gave back to the person who'd given me the $60 card and the other five I gave to six friends (two of them I told to share a card).

So, dear reader, the question is, can you be cheaper than me?

The Automatic Millionaire summary

2008-12-18T10:49:00.000-08:00

I mentioned that I was reading The Automatic Millionaire and that it was making me poorer. That was obviously tongue-in-cheek and generally I think that this is a good book. I learned nothing from this book because I already knew or was doing everything mentioned and more.

The one thing that I very much disagreed with the author (David Bach) on was the rainy day (emergency) fund that he recommended that people set-up. Personally I think that this is a bad thing if you own a house.

Your emergency fund has a multiple of your monthly spending to tide you over if you are unemployed or otherwise need emergency cash. This is sitting in a rolling CD or savings account earning 2%. It is also money that you will hopefully never need and so will most likely sit there for years. You are also being taxed on this 2%.

A much better option, in my opinion, is to put that money into your mortgage where it will save you 6% to 7% (tax free). Then setup a HELOC against your house that you never use except for that emergency. If you do the math, then you'll see that the cost of using an 8% to 9% is very cheap compared to the rainy-day fund because you will never or rarely use it and when you do you'll pay it down first instead of making extra payments to your mortgage.

Phoenix Light Pantless Rail

2008-12-17T15:52:00.000-08:00

The Merciless Flirt has an interesting post today called C'mon 'n ride it: No Pants on the Phoenix Light Rail. Apparently the 8th annual no pants subway ride takes place in New York on Saturday, 10 January and if she gets her way we'll be pantless on the Phoenix Light Rail on that day as well. Sounds good to me.

Joan Jett and The Blackhearts

2008-12-14T10:03:00.000-08:00

I remember rocking to Joan Jett and The Blackhearts' I Love Rock N' Roll in the early 80's as a teenager and never thought that I'd be doing it again 25 years later but this time just 10 yards from her playing live.

Our company hired Joan Jett and The Blackhearts as the feature band for the evening at our Xmas party. Before that we had 38 Special and (separately) Sinbad the comedian.

I'd never heard of Sinbad but was impressed with his impromptu and he had me laughing out loud a couple of times.

Joan Jett Rocks!

The Automatic Millionaire

2008-12-12T11:07:00.000-08:00

I've recently started reading The Automatic Millionaire by David Bach. I'm still at the beginning of it and so far haven't learned anything new and have gained nothing from it. However, I hold out high hopes that there will be at least one small nugget of information hidden somewhere in there.

The book discusses the Latte Factor which is a fairly widely known concept that cutting out your daily latte and muffin and investing it in the market will make you a millionaire over your working life.

However, this has had the opposite effect on me. Before I started reading the book I would never buy a latte. Now that I read about lattes everyday I've developed a craving for them and I'm started to drink them. Perhaps this book will change me from a potential automatic-millionaire to a nothing...

Polo Sticks

2008-11-23T15:03:00.000-08:00

I was walking past the Ralph Lauren shop in the Biltmore Fashion Park and noticed their fine polo sticks in the window. You can never have too many polo sticks and these were splendid looking sticks.

There was, however, one small problem. The mallets had beige shafts and my string of polo ponies are chestnut. It would obviously be a fashion faux paux to mix beige sticks with chestnut ponies so I passed on the purchase.

New hire boosts productivity

2008-11-12T14:27:00.000-08:00

Our team of three recently hired a new employee and instead of boosting productivity by 33% as expected it's jumped by 100%. I think that we've discovered a new incentive...

Our team consists of only men. We had a choice of hiring anybody we wanted. We decided that we could hire someone with comparable skills or a smoking hot babe with no skills. We choose the latter.

The babe now sits in a corner of our office and says and does nothing. At midday, whoever has been most productive gets to go to lunch with our new team member.

[Edit: This blog post is about a fictional employee working in a fictional team at a fictional company. Don't confuse this with real life.]

Kidney Stone

2008-11-02T06:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday (1 November 2008) I had the pleasure of passing this kidney stone. I say pleasure because it's wonderful to know exactly what caused all this pain. It's amazing that something so bloody small can cause so much pain.

The pain hit me shortly after eating my wife's excellent chicken curry so you can guess who's cooking immediately got the blame for the pain. I'm still trying to work out how to dig myself out of that one. I'm thinking diamonds and gold.

She graciously took me to the ER and shortly after checking in the pain disappeared completely and the staff were convinced from the symptoms that it was a kidney stone.

I was not so convinced because about 15 months ago I ended up in the same ER with the same symptoms and the standard pain killer for kidney stones did nothing to alleviate the pain and the CAT scan showed up nothing.

After seeing the stone I am now a believer. It's a great relief knowing what caused all this pain. I think that having pain without knowing what causes it is always a worry because you don't know what to research or adjust to prevent it from happening again.

Wild Fiction - the novel

2008-10-30T20:30:00.000-07:00

I've finally got my one and only novel (Wild Fiction) back up on the web. The web site isn't finished yet but I believe that it's now usuable and you can read the book here: Wild Fiction

Family Planning Advice

2008-10-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

I've been living in the USA for a while now and one of the things that I missed from England was the NHS and the excellent (and "free") service that I would receive from this marvelous institution.

I recently received this image showing the type of advice that's now being given out by the NHS. I don't think that I miss it anymore.

Close your eyes

2008-10-23T07:10:00.000-07:00

My wife was on the Wii Fit this morning and I noticed that the background of the screen went black which I'd never seen before. I asked her why that was and she said that it was because she was supposed to be doing this exercise with her eyes close.

I then realized that the reason that I'd never seen that screen was because when the Wii Fit told me to close my eyes I closed them.

Guy's Bathroom Laws

2008-10-12T11:02:00.000-07:00

Guy's Bathroom Laws

You will only discover that the lock on the bathroom door of your new house does not work when you get your first guests.
If your brother is passed out in the bathroom with his head just to the left of the toilet bowl and you try and use the toilet standing up you will miss to the left.

Drive-In

2008-09-20T23:41:00.000-07:00

When was the last time you went to the drive-in? I think it was in 1982 - about 26 years ago. This evening we went to the drive-in at 5650 N. 55th Ave., Glendale, AZ, 85301 - run by West Winds Drive-Ins. There are 9 screens there.

The last time I was at a drive it you picked the sound box off a post and hung it on your window. Now you tune your radio station to a given channel to get the sound.

We took our SUV and parked it backwards and had an inflatable mattress already pumped up in the back with the seats folded down and a few cushions. Popcorn, pretzels and beer. It's still pretty hot out so we had to keep the windows down. A number of people had chairs out and plenty of kids running around.

We watched Tropic Thunder (average to bad) and then the first half of Iron Man which was enjoyable up to when we left (had to get home for a call) and it looked like it could have had potential.

We'll definitely be doing that again. Next time might try the one in Scottsdale.

Gas Saving Tips

2008-09-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

Are you tired of reading the endless lists of things that you can do to save gas? I am, but I bet you haven't heard of this one.

When you and your buddy decide to take your bikes into the desert for a ride roll up to the pump just after he's started filling and as he's finishing take off the gas cap and ask him to top up your tank. Doesn't even appear on your credit card.

Thanks Graeme!

Motion Sick in Bed

2008-09-04T21:22:00.000-07:00

I've just been evicted from the bed while sitting on it and brushing my teeth because my vigorous brushing was rocking the bed and making my wife motion sick.

Getting Paid to look at Topless Photos

2008-09-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

Today I was working away on a project which involved looking at emails that our automated software had been unable to process into our customer management system. Although solving the problem was technically interesting it became more so when one of the emails had photos of topless babes. Can the day get any better?

Property Tax

2008-09-03T21:26:00.000-07:00

I just got my property tax bill today and I'm a bit confused by it. The total is due in 2 equal parts, the first on 1 October 2008 and the second on 1 March 2009. That part I understand. Then it goes on to say "For tax amounts more than $100, if the entire amount is paid in full by 31 December 2008, no interest is charged."

This leads me to believe that I will be charged interest if I follow their instructions and pay it in two parts. What do you think?

Evaluating a job

2008-08-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

About 15 years ago I came up with 4 criteria to evaluate my current job and have since used them to evaluate jobs that I've applied for. They are:

People - Do I like the people I work with? (Would I voluntarily go out to dinner with them?) Are they clever, creative, inspiring, and supportive? Do they challenge me and help me to progress?
Location - Is this the country, and city that I want to live in? Is my commute enjoyable or can I easily make it enjoyable? Is the office located somewhere I want to work? (e.g. what other business are next door?)
Work - Is this the type of work that I want to be doing? Is the company moving in the direction that the work that I'll be given be the type of work that I want to do?
Remuneration - Is the package good?

I allocate a rating for each one on a scale of 1 to 10 and then add it up. Anything above 30 is a good score.

There are times when you'll sacrifice one of the points for more of another because it brings your overall score up. A case in point:

My wife recently changed jobs so that she now works from home (doing the same job) rather than work in a store. For that she took a pay cut. Although we didn't use these 4 points to explicitly evaluate her new job we would have probably reduced point 4 by 2 points. However, she loves working from home so point 2 has probably gone from a score of 2 to 10 for a net gain of 6 points.

Your job score might change from month to month so evaluate it and write it down and check it every now and then.

Suzuki DRZ-400

2008-08-10T21:13:00.000-07:00

I have a new ride. It's a Suzuki DRZ-400. It's too tall for me to touch my feet flat on either side but when I become obese I'm hoping that I'll be able to weigh the shocks down enough to flat foot it.

It's great fun in the desert but a bit slow on the open road. I'm planning on a trip from Lake Pleasant up to Crown King via the forest back roads in the next few months. Let me know if you're interested in joining me.

Allergic to Unicorns

2008-08-10T21:09:00.000-07:00

I was just watching a movie (Stardust) which has a unicorn and a thought suddenly struck me, am I allergic to unicorns? I'm allergic to horses and unicorns look damn like horses so their genetic makeup might be similar so I could well be allergic to them. I know that this is going to bother me for a long time - or until I find the answer.

Airline Fat Tax

2008-08-09T07:25:00.000-07:00

Because of the cost of fuel, airlines are looking for ways to keep their prices the same and yet still make a profit. To do this they've started charging for trivial items that you don't need to consume on a flight like water, pillows, and blankets.

To reduce the cost of fuel that they burn, arguably the only but definitely the largest variable cost that the flight will bear they've started to reduce the weight of the plane by carrying less fuel and replacing the heavy metal food carts with plastic ones.

How else can airlines reduce the weight that they carry and therefore their costs?

One way to do this is to charge each passenger by weight (both body biomass and luggage) instead of by "piece." A person weighing 300 lbs is going to cost more to move across the country than a person weighing 150 lbs. Just ask the pilot of a Cessna.

At first blush this may seem unfair because you're taxing the fat. This is discrimination dammit!

But is it?

Are we not already discriminating against the passengers whose combined body and luggage weight is below the average? Are they not paying an implicit subsidy for their heavier co-passengers? I think so.

If it costs the airline (say) $1 per pound in fuel to fly our biomass and luggage from Phoenix to New York and our total weight is 30,000 lbs then it's going to cost the airline $30,000 in fuel. If that 30,000 lbs is represented by 200 passengers weighing an average of 150 lbs each then the airline is going to have to charge each passenger at least $150 just to cover the fuel costs.

Now consider that 100 of those passengers each weigh 200 lbs and the other 100 each weigh 100 lbs. It's going to cost the airline $200 per heavy person and $100 per light person to move them across the country. The total cost to the airline remains unchanged at $30,000. However, the lighter passengers are paying $50 more and the heavier passengers $50 less for the costs that they contribute towards.

What would happen if an airline were to implement a fat tax policy?
What if they were to diplomatically call it an "underweight discount" instead of a fat tax?
Would that airline attract lighter people?
Would fat people boycott that airline? If they did, that would shift the fuel cost from this airline and onto other airlines. Good or bad?

Chuckwalla

2008-08-05T23:58:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how we got on to this subject but a co-worker described a Chuckwalla to me and when I heard the description I realized that I'd seen one on a hike at Pinnacle Peak on 4 August 2007.

I must confess that I didn't recall the exact date (or the year) but when I found the photo my ability to read the date off the image file didn't let me down.

This is apparently a large lizard (could you tell?) and part of the genus Sauromalus and the iguana family.

Flush the Toilet

2008-06-27T12:01:00.001-07:00

I was listening to an interesting podcast this morning. One of the hosts said that the acid test to see if someone can really speak a language that they claim to speak is to ask them if they know how to say "flush the toilet" in that language.

Apparently each language has its own idiomatic way to express this. In French you would say "pull the chain." In Spanish you would say "tirar de la cadena." I didn't know that until right now so I can't claim to be able to speak Spanish.

I wonder, however, about languages such as Zulu. Do they really have an idiomatic way to express something that is so new to the culture/language? Please could all the Zulu speakers who read this respond with a comment...

Size of Head

2008-06-22T20:34:00.000-07:00

My wife sometimes tells me that I have a big head. This evening I had cause to measure it and discovered that it's 57cm which lead me to looking up my head size and I discovered that in fact I have a medium sized head which is defined as:

57-58cm or 22 3/8 - 22 3/4 inches and a hat size of 7 1/8 - 7 1/4.

Do you know your hat size?

Wii Fit

2008-06-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

We've just bought a Wii Fit and I'm very impressed. I've been wondering how the Balance Board would help and now I think I know how.

When you're setting up the Wii Fit it records your height (you need to input that) and weight (it measures that).

If you're doing something like a lunge you're supposed to put a certain percent (I'm guessing 50%) of your weight on your front leg. Because this leg is on the Balance Board the Wii Fit can measure the percent of your weight on that leg and provides a marker on the screen showing you if you need to put more or less weight there.

I've now used it twice in two days. I'm sure I'm going to post more about this soon...

Triple Digits at Midnight

2008-06-21T09:23:00.000-07:00

I'm guessing that we finally hit triple digits at midnight last night. I was watching telly and noticed at 11:35pm that it was 102 but forgot to check again at midnight. I keep an eye on Rob's Blog to let me know the first triple digit midnight of the year and he mentioned a few days ago that he thought it was close.

Mongoose XR-Comp

2008-06-20T18:03:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago I bought a Mongoose XR-Comp mountain bike. Over the last 2 months I've covered about 380 miles on it, mostly over desert terrain. I really like this bike, however, I had to return it to Wal-Mart because of the quality of the inner tubes and unavailability of aftermarket alternatives to the inner tubes that Pacific Cycles provide with the bike.

During the two months that I had the bike both the front and back tire inner tubes split. I am guessing that this happened for one or both of the following reasons: (1) The inner tube supplied is 1/4 inch smaller in diameter than the wheel diameter and/or (2) they are very low quality.

Usually this wouldn't be a concern because you can buy high quality replacements from companies like Bell. However, because of the design of the wheels these inner tubes require an extra long valve stem and even though I live in the 6th largest city in the US no one carries stock of this type of inner tube. Even if they did it's inconvenient having to replace one a month.

The only way that I managed to replace the inner tubes was by calling Pacific Cycle on the East Coast and having them shipped which means that I have to pay for postage as well as the new inner tubes.

When I read the reviews about this bike there was one person who marked the bike as "not recommended" for the sole reason of the inability to buy an inner tube. I'm not sure why that didn't concern me at the time but it should have. If Pacific Cycle stop making or supplying those inner tubes then the wheels on this bike become useless and your have to spend several hundred dollars replacing the wheels.

It's a real pity because it's a great mountain bike.

Dead Roadrunner

2008-06-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

I decided that I'd had enough of the roadrunner so on Wednesday evening I went out and bought a shotgun. One of the great things about living in the United States is that all you need to buy a gun is some sort of ID (I borrowed a friends library card) and hard cash.

It was 12-gauge, double barrel and with a hacksaw from Ace Hardware I reduced the barrels to a manageable length.

So I was cruising down the path this morning with the shotgun taped to the handlebars like a rotating tail gunner from a Lancaster Bomber when I saw the little bastard at the usually spot. It froze as if staring down the barrel of a gun. I grabbed the stock with my left hand and squeezed both triggers in its direction but hit the desert scrub to its left and raised a cloud of dust that I had to cough through.

Now remember that I haven't even slowed down at this point. I reloaded by holding the stock between my legs and shoving 2 more AAA's into the barrel. By now the roadrunner had taken off but was still in front of me unable to leave the path because of a high wall and line of trees.

This time it was easier to aim because it was holding a steady height above the ground and not quivering. I decided to let rip with one barrel at a time. The wide spread passed just below it to the right knocking him slightly up and left. The choke barrel caught it up the tail and it exploded into a cloud of feathers.

I swallowed a fist full of feathers as I sailed through the aftermath and set a new record cycling to work.

Of course I ditched the shotgun behind a bush before I got to work because we're not allowed to guns at our desks.

Double Roadrunners

2008-06-11T20:36:00.000-07:00

There were two of them waiting for me this morning. By the time I saw them they were already running at full speed along the path. I tried to work out which one was the regular one I'd been racing against but couldn't tell - they looked identical.

I couldn't help wondering if they were a husband/wife team taking me on or Roadrunner Olympic Contestants. I'd like to think the latter.

They'd obviously planned this. We arrived at a fork in the path and they split. My regular fork at that point is slightly uphill so I selected the easier route. I think this took them by surprise as I quickly caught my single competitor and forced it into the bushes.

Again I am victorious!

Reach 11 Bobcat

2008-06-10T10:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday (9 June 2008) evening I was cycling back home through Reach 11 and came across a bobcat on the track. My first thought was "wow, a bobcat on the track." My second thought was "is this the roadrunner's doing?"

For those that know Reach 11 I saw the bobcat in the section between Tatum and 56th on the paved path just north of the perennial pond. As soon as it saw me it dashed back into the undergrowth on the north side of the pond.

This morning there was no sign of the roadrunner. I'm sure it's plotting something...

Tricked Roadrunner

2008-06-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

I was cruising down the path this morning keeping a beady eye out for the roadrunner. Around a corner I came across it but it ran right past me in the wrong direction. I slowed down and looked back to see it standing in the path, that look of bewilderment hanging off its beak.

My guess is that the roadrunner doesn't understand the concept of weekends and thought that because it hadn't seen me on the Saturday or Sunday that I'd given up and wasn't coming back to the races.

How very wrong it was and how very easily I beat it today.

Sneaky Roadrunner

2008-06-06T09:08:00.000-07:00

The roadrunner made an unexpectedly early appearance this morning. I was still mulling over this morning's race strategies when it (gender neutral) appeared in the path.

Usually it starts to run as soon as we lock eyes on each other but this morning it just stood there. I started pushing hard on the pedals expecting it to take off running at any minute.

As I drew up to where it was standing a Gambel's Quail with 5 tiny chicks came running out of the bush right across the path. I slammed on brakes and came to a skidding sideways stop just managing not to wreck.

After the dust had settled there were no witnesses left except myself. The roadrunner had disappeared into the bushes with its accomplices. I disqualified the roadrunner and declared myself the winner.

Roadrunner cheats

2008-06-05T11:44:00.000-07:00

I was cycling to work today as usually and the roadrunner appears again except this time a little earlier along the ride than before and at the beginning of a decline for me. This gave me a distinct advantage. I changed into a higher gear and pedalled hard. The roadrunner increased his (it must be a male because it's so bloody competitive) speed and I increased mine.

For the first time I drew up parallel to him and knew I was going to overtake him. That's when the bastard cheated and took off and started to fly and rose up to eye level with me. I stared him straight in the eye and he returned my glare and then I decided that if he was cheating so was I. As we approached a tree I took a quick swerve to the right and tried to head-butt him. Lucky for him he swerved out the way but had to go around the tree.

When he appeared again on the line of the path, still flying, he was a few yards behind me and I saw him land and give up. He just stood there in the path with a bewildered look on his face.

Racing Roadrunner

2008-06-04T11:27:00.000-07:00

On my cycle to work I come across many small desert animals as part of my ride is along the Central Arizona Project canal. Desert cottontails, gophers, squirrels etc.

The last 2 days I've encountered a roadrunner. I'm not sure if it's the same one - I'm guessing yes. Like the Racing Lizard this roadrunner has been racing me.

Roadrunners can run at speeds of up to 15 miles per hour (24 km/h) and generally prefer sprinting to flying. I cycle along that part of the desert at around 12 MPH. The roadrunner keeps a steady pace ahead of me and when I push a bit faster he (or she) picks up the pace to keep the same distance. When we get to the end of the path the roadrunner turns off and disappears into the bushes.

Did the roadrunner win or did I? I think it was yours truly because the roadrunner gave up and I continued.

Image IQ #6

2008-05-26T08:31:00.000-07:00

What is this building or what is it used for? In which cities and states could you find this or similar buildings?

I had a bit of fun blurring the name out of the picture so you couldn't read what it is. I thought that the word pixelate was the correct verb nowadays for blur but it turns out that paint.net (excellent paint replacement for windows) uses the very blur for the function of blur. Had I used the obvious it wouldn't have taken me so long to find.

No trespassing beyond this point

2008-04-25T07:38:00.000-07:00

I recently came across this sign just outside the Continetal Golf Course which said "NO TRESPASSING BEYOND THIS POINT". Is it just me or does the English and logic appear to be wrong? I get the impression that trespassing BEFORE this point is okay but BEYOND this point is not okay...

The time is right to reach your goals

2008-04-23T12:00:00.000-07:00

The fortune cookie (which I rarely eat) that came with lunch today said "THE TIME IS RIGHT TO REACH YOUR GOALS." The caps are theirs not mine.

This couldn't be more off target. They've given it to a man who has no goals.

Wellness Score

2008-04-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

Work is having a wellness drive and we've been encouraged to fill out a wellness survey with our health provider. Apparently I'm 96 well and 4 unwell. I'm not sure what the units are, perhaps it's percent. If so, I think that the 4% unwellness is my nose which is easily big enough to represent 4% of my body and has been sneezing recently.

Aparently I don't eat enough fruit and veg...

I sweat asymmetrically

2008-04-19T07:49:00.000-07:00

I wear a helmet when cycling to work and I've been doing this for a few months now. Yesterday I noticed that the right strap that keeps the helmet on my noggin has turned white and stiff from salt crystals. Careful inspection of the left strap shows no salt. I can only conclude from this that I'm a right-hand-side sweater or as we in the sweating business call it right-asymmetrical-sweater.

I dreamt in Sixes

2008-04-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

I had a wacky dream last night. It was about bees and their math. I dreamt that the reason that bees create combs with six sided hexagon shapes is because, as insects, they have six legs and hence count to the base six.

Computers count in binary, 1's and 0's. That's because each of place in memory can be either on or off. Humans count in decimal because we have 10 digits, 8 of which we call fingers and 2 thumbs.

It's obvious then that bees should use base 6 to count and that should make it equally obvious why the cells in honeycomb are hexagonal.

Talking Stick

2008-04-09T22:05:00.000-07:00

I've just discovered what the Navajo's Talking Stick is. I always thought that it was magical stick that spoke to the Shaman. It turns out that in debates or council meetings, only the person holding the talking stick can talk. If you want to talk you have to wait until the stick is passed to you and you cannot take it. How cool is that? The next time I go drinking with Vern and Rob I'm taking a Talking Stick along with me. Then at least I'll get to say something...

Lost Miles

2008-04-09T22:01:00.000-07:00

A friend at work introduced me to a really cool site: http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/ which allows you to measure your hike/walk etc. On the plus side this is great because it means that I can accurately measure my cycle to work. On the down side I discovered that I'm cycling 7 miles and not 7.6 so I'm losing 1.2 miles a day or a total of 29.4 miles since I started this route.

Racing Lizards

2008-04-07T11:53:00.000-07:00

My cycle to work takes me along 6 miles of the Central Arizona Project Canal (CAPC). I'm kept out of the water by an 8 foot fence. This fence is also troublesome for the wildlife that are in the track which are trying to get out of the way of the bike. They are mostly desert cottontails, quail, and lizards. Eventually they find a hole in the fence and dart through before I catch up to them. The quail remember that they can fly and take off at the last minute.

This morning a large lizard took off next to me and kept pace for about 100 yards. It never found a hole and eventually just stopped. I couldn't work out if he'd stopped because he was exhausted and had run out of steam or just didn't consider me a threat anymore.

Blogger's Captcha

2008-04-06T16:06:00.000-07:00

Whenever I post a blog to this blog here on Wild Fiction I get asked to answer and solve a captcha. I'm sure you have seen this type of thing before and are familiar with it so I'm not going to explain it.

Here is the captcha that I've been given for this blog post before it will "go live."

Now what do you think it says? I'm guessing that it's "oogafk" and I'm pretty sure that I'm right.

However, I've noticed that blogger never accepts my initial guess when posting a blog. No matter how right I am it says that I'm wrong and gives me another captcha. The second one I always get right. I'm guessing that this is a bug.

Flexible online menu

2008-04-06T16:00:00.000-07:00

I've just been tasked with ordering a vegetarian pizza from CPK. Their menu is big and paging through it online looking for the vegetarian options is a chore.

That's when it struck me about how cool it would be if restaurants gave you the ability to reduce their online menu to what you can eat and perhaps even allow you to order it by your favorite types of food.

So if you're allergic to fish or nuts or if you're a vegetarian, kosher or halal eater you can select what is acceptable and what is not. Also, by ranking your preferences for different food types those dishes that had your favorite bits in them would be listed at the top.

Does anybody know of any online menus that do this?

Do I look fat in this?

2008-04-06T15:56:00.000-07:00

My wife approached me from behind and asked me "Do I look fat in this?"

Now I know the answer to this question so I had already answered it correctly before I had turned around to look at her.

"Phat is spelled P.H.A.T." she said. "It stands for Pretty Hot And Tasty."

"In that case you're definitely phat," I replied.

This question promises to be more and more difficult to answer in the future...

The Full Gospel Church

2008-03-03T08:35:00.000-08:00

I was driving along a back road in New Mexico yesterday when I saw a sign for the Full Gospel Church. I have never seen one of those before. I'm guessing one of two things:

1. The Gospel Church is full and cannot admit any more members, or
2. There are fractional Gospel churches. There might be a Quarter or Half Gospel Church.

This requires further investigation...

Peggy Light

2008-02-28T17:58:00.000-08:00

Today I crossed the 200 mile mark in the Peggy Light 1000 mile challenge. I feel that this is going to make it difficult to achieve my New Year's resolution of doing less exercise this year.

At the beginning of this month I was 77 miles behind target. I need to average just over 2.7 miles a day to make it so I started cycling to work and have managed to notch up 190 miles this month.

Early, in a desperate attempt to make up miles, I asked the organizers if I could include distance skied in the figures. They said yes but I decided not to add those miles as technically you don't propel yourself to the top of the mountain and gravity pulls you down. So cycling to work it'll be.

The Real Cost of Timeshare

2008-02-26T06:02:00.000-08:00

My parents-in-law recently bought some time-share in Vegas. They were under strict instructions to not go to any time-share presentations and if they ignored that instruction they were not to buy any. My wife and I arrived in Vegas the following day and took them to the time-share office and returned the time-share under the 5-day cooling off period.

On the face of it, time-share often looks cost effective and appealing but there are a whole bunch of hidden costs that you don't take into account.

In the worst case scenario, I would be paying $55/day on top of my timeshare for staying there. That's $10/day for the safe, $10/day for the Internet connection, and $35/day for cleaning service. Can you believe that there's a safe in each room but they charge you to use it? All of these costs are included when you stay at a hotel apart from maybe the Internet which is included 90% of the time.

There are other annual fees that the timeshare company will charge you that will also add up. There's the annual maintenance and then they nickel and dime you with other taxes and fees. They often state that the annual maintenance fee is "only" $790 and then further down the contract there's an annual $89 charge for something and then another $59 charge for another item.

In the case of my parents-in-law, when we added up the annual and daily costs (excluding the purchase price) they can stay in a great hotel in Vegas for that period of time without buying the timeshare.

Mexican Interior Design Mistakes

2008-02-11T20:12:00.000-08:00

My skill at interior design has never before allow me to criticize or look down on anyone else's handiwork, until now. Have a look at the image, can you spot the mistake?

We just spent a great weekend at the Mexican resort town of Puerto Penasco (there's a tilde over that n but I'm too lazy to go looking for it). I was admiring the Las Palmas condo that we were in and came across the coat hooks in the cupboard. I was somewhat surprised to see one of them upside down. You had spotted that by now hadn't you?

In my best Spanish I asked the front desk to explain it. In his best Spanish (which is excellent by the way) he said: "It's for when the polarity of gravity inverts and you still need to hang your coat or umbrella."

I got my money's worth out of my dictionary to give you that translation.

Sunrise

2008-02-05T17:50:00.000-08:00

That was a pathetic attempt on my part to blog every day this month. Maybe next month...

Sunrise was great. First time I've skied there when all the slopes were open. Interesting to see the other two mountains; Apache Peak at 11,100' and Cyclone Circle at 10,700'. The black runs on Cyclone have some great names like Tempest, Thunder, Suicide, and Hurrican Ridge.

Driving back from the ski slopes I saw some guys doing some ice fishing and curiosity got the better of me and I walked out onto the lake to see how they do it. They've got this massive drill bit that's the diameter of a medium sized tree trunk that they screw through 3 feet of ice and then drop their line in. A few pan sized rainbows were lying on the ice next to their coolers. You never have to worry about keeping your catch fresh when you go ice fishing.

A Month of Blug

2008-02-01T18:39:00.000-08:00

I've decided that I'm going to blug every day this month. Well not quite. I'm hoping that 1 out of every 5 posts will qualify as a blog.

I almost missed today. That wouldn't have been a very good start.

Straight after work we drove up to the Mogollon Rim town of Show Low. There's snow everywhere and this is easily one of the most beautiful places I've been to. Tomorrow we ski.

So how did Show Low get its name?

According to the legend, the city was named after a marathon poker game between C.E. Cooley and Marion Clark, they decided there was not enough room for both of them in their settlement. The two men agreed to let a game of cards decide who was to move. According to the story, Clark said, "If you can show low, you win." Cooley turned up the deuce of clubs (the lowest possible card) and replied, "Show low it is." The stakes were a 100,000 acre (400 km²) ranch. Show Low's main street is named "Deuce of Clubs" in remembrance.

Great Quotes

2008-01-25T12:30:00.000-08:00

Just read this great quote from Edward Tufte with reference to the computer industry:

"There are only two industries that refer to their customers as 'users'."

The Tortoise and the Hare

2008-01-21T18:41:00.000-08:00

My wife's uncle needed a scooter when we recently visited the Sonora Desert Museum. She and her nephew showed my uncle how to operate it and later I heard complaints that the electronic scooter was too slow and they wanted to take it back so the expert (yours truly) was called in to examine the control panel.

I discovered a button on the dash with the picture of a tortoise and another with a picture of a hare. It seemed fairly obvious that pressing these would increase and decrease the speed of the scooter. Testing the buttons showed that my guess was correct and I point this out to the two geniuses that had been in charge of the original operating instruction with the question "Just what did you think those buttons were for?"

It turns out that they thought that since this was a zoo (even though it's called a museum) that you pressed the hare button when you spotted a member of the rabbit family and the tortoise button if you saw a tortoise.

Sometimes you have to give up.

2008 New Year's Resolutions

2008-01-21T18:09:00.000-08:00

One of my goals for 2008 is to blog less. Ironically this meant that I had to delay the writing of my first 2008 blog to help achieve this goal. I found that I was too prolific last year and provided more humor than you deserved.

Another goal is to do less exercise. I covered over 200 miles of self propelled distance in 2007 mostly swimming, hiking and cycling. This meant that quality time in front of the TV watching Law & Order repeats, Oprah, and Doctor Phil was never realized. I've calculated that if I can cut down my exercise to just 50 miles this year I can add about 2 hours of extra telly per week.

My wife claims that I am the best husband in the world and spoilt her rotten during 2007 by taking her out, on holidays (remember Vegas honey?), and buying her stuff. There doesn't appear to be any room for improvement this year (my bad) so I'm going to have to cut back there to look good again in 2009.

High Speed Chase

2007-12-30T10:50:00.000-08:00

I thought that I'd end my second year of blogging with a story of a high speed chase that I was in last weekend.

I was innocently driving along the I-17 just south of Flagstaff doing about 70 MPH when this complete idiot overtakes me in a bright yellow Mustang Manta Ray and is driving way to close and clips left front mudguard of my Tahoe.

I start slowing down and pulling off the interstate expecting him to do the same but instead he speeds up and races away. I wasn't having any of that so I floored the accelerator and was soon on his tail.

I took a look at the speedo and it was way off the clock so I'm guessing that I was doing around 140 MPH. I knew nobody would believe me so I reached into the back and fumbled around in my bag and pulled out my camera and took a photo of the speedo. I nearly wiped out doing that stunt.

Anyway, I managed to catch the guy and while we were going around a corner I caught the left rear corner of his car and he spun out and cartwheeled off the road and exploded into a ball of flames.

I slowed back down to my normal sub 5MPH below the speed limit and had a very pleasant journey for the rest of the way.

Remember, if you read it on the Internet, it must be true.

A Snowbowl Xmas

2007-12-25T19:05:00.000-08:00

What an excellent Xmas day we've just had. Drove up to Arizona Snowbowl and spent the day skiing there.

The photo attached to this post is of my wife taken at the top of Sunset Chairlift. I've mentioned her a few times in my blog and I'm sure that some of my readers are curious to know what she looks like. Well now you have a photo of her to satisfy your curiosity. Pretty, isn't she?

It was a bit chilly on the slopes. The car registered a sub-zero reading of 17F but the windchill sitting on those lifts made it feel like -20C. I wonder how may people will be able to get their heads around those two temperatures?

I hope that everyone had an excellent Xmas and I wish you all the very best for 2008. May your wildest dreams come true and may your wife not catch you when they do.

Chain Letter Warnings

2007-12-20T05:41:00.000-08:00

I got this from a (female) friend recently and thought that it was amusing enough to share with you.

Generally I hate the warnings that get sent around, but I must admit this one is important. If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your bum, do not show him your bum. This is a scam - he only wants to see your bum. I wish I had got this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap.

Blugging

2007-12-10T21:11:00.000-08:00

I learned a new word today: Blugging.

I appears that Blugging is poor quality blogging. I guess I thought that I was blogging but it turns out that I was blugging.

Embarrassingly I learned this "computer word" from an 88-year-old who doesn't blog. Doris Lessing, this year's winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature, born 1919.

Life in Zim - a letter from Zim

2007-12-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

I recently received this letter through a series of email forwards and wanted to expand and comment on the effects of currency crises that I have experienced in various countries. I thought that by posting this letter I could continue my thoughts on currencies in a subsequent blog post. Here is the letter that I received, posted here with the author's permission.

My apologies for this letter being late - it was completed on the 28th,but couldn't be sent due to circumstances beyond my control. Last Wednesday,I entered the bank to find a crowd of people not queueing for the tellers. I asked a teller if there was cash and she said no,so I asked if they were expecting cash, and she said yes,but when,she couldn't tell me. And so we entered the third week without cash. In any other country,the populace wouldn't put up with this,and would be setting fire to cars in the street,but Zimbos just shrug their shoulders and put up with what is unputupable with. People with bank cards and bank accounts can write cheques (I haven't written so many cheques since 2003,when we last ran out of cash,before Gono became governor of the RBZ) or produce and swipe bank cards in suitably equipped retail outlets in this way,I bought $105.6 million-worth of pool chemicals,enough to last nearly six months. People without bank accounts must find cash from somewhere,but where,I don't know. Dr.Gono professes to know nothing,but if he,the man who prints the money doesn't know,who does? It is suggested that they are going to produce notes of $500,000 or even $1 million (which would be worth 16-25p!),but wheres the use of that? Inflation is eroding the value of the notes faster than the ink can dry it is reported reliably that for transactions involving telegraphic transfers,a pound will buy Z$6 million,or Z$1 million is worth 16.66p. If you are buying Zim cash,the exchange rate is half that,owing to the shortage of cash.

Chile spent 20 years under the dictatorship of Augusto Pinochet,but at least he ran the economy well he brought in reforms which benefited the country and acted as an example for other South American countries on how to run economies. When,at last, Pinochet stepped down,he left the country in a healthy financial position. In contrast,The Mad Hout was originally elected legitimately,but has destroyed his country in 7 years,and there is not the slightest chance that he is going to step down. As elections approach,he trusts that the old tricks of rigging elections will stand him in good stead,and believes the mealy-mouthed courtiers who assure him that he is popular with his citizens God knows, hes tried to restrict the number of dissenters by barring many from citizenship, and his policies have gotten rid of another large chunk of nay-sayers by forcing them into economic migration. Nonetheless,as a South African newspaper said at the last election,to vote for him,the people would have to want 5 more years of poverty,unemployment, and shortages. To the commodities not available 5 years ago has now been added pretty much everything,with empty shops,empty filling stations,and now,it seems,empty banks, not to mention the outages of water and electric power. Who could possibly want more of that?

A landmark of sorts was passed on Thursday when I got Z$4,000,000 for a pound in Zim, you can be a millionaire for 25p or US51! And the day before,Gideon Gono had to explain that the NIPC (National Incomes & Prices Commission) didn't really mean it when it said that imported goods would be priced at cost plus 50% converted at the official rate they had been misreported. Godwills (compared to Godzilla in his destructive power) Masimirembwa was present while this unconvincing explanation of his foolishness was propounded, and said that it hadn't been his intention to bar imported goods from the shops (what did he intend? did he think it through?). Gono went on to say that price blitzes like three months ago would be severely punished (unlike the last one) and that we needed imported goods while local production was re-established with the help of money from the RBZ. I have to say Ive seen little sign of this production ever since last week, Delta Beverages Graniteside depot has been stone empty,and other producers seem similarly to be failing.

Delta Beverages has a big sign saying, Cheques only accepted by prior arrangement,so I had to get permission to pay them by cheque. The black market is a different matter the average street trader doesn't accept cheques! Restricting cash will stamp out the black market,but how then will we access necessities? In 2003,I remember buying a stone carving with a cheque the seller took my details and then swapped the cheque for cash with the TM supermarket across the road,but that was then,and this is now. Gono hints at a new currency - perhaps hes waiting till he can make the new dollar worth a million old ones it would clearly make things easier to shift the denomination by multiples of three by now, we've got beyond a new dollar being worth 1,000 old ones there would still be 2,000 to a US dollar,but 2 to a US$ would mean reintroducing coins,which are expensive to make,and the coins would cost more to produce than they were worth in face value. The problem with trying to stamp out the black market is that there is considerable collateral damage to society when the people are deprived of the ability to conduct normal trade just now,well be back to corry shells,or barter! If there were enough of them,trade would be conducted in US$ or ₤ - certainly,prices are quoted in them.

The Independent reports that 90% of bakeries in the country have closed. The reason is that the NIPC insists on denominating prices as they wish them to be as opposed to what they are. Wheat costs Z$1 billion a tonne instead of the gazetted price of $100 million, and fuel prices are still gazetted at $60,000 a litre instead of the true price of around $2.3 million. Thus,the cost to produce a loaf of bread is $400,000 to $500,000, while the NIPC has just raised the approved retail price from $100,000 to $200,000. Over the past 4 months,standard loaves have disappeared, to be replaced by Fancy Bread of one kind or another,or rolls. The supermarket in Strathaven used to make rolls which had long queues waiting for them to come out. However,on Monday I found their bakery shelves full of rolls,and no queues the rolls were in packs of 4, priced at $600,000, and it looked like,at last,this price was encountering consumer resistance. With our magistrates striking because their monthly salary of $20 million cant support them and their families,it is easy to sympathise that would buy just one pack of rolls a day for 33 days,leaving nothing over for rent,and all the other necessities. The government says it cant afford to pay them more,and yet it seems able to come up with the money for fancy cars for traditional chiefs,and military and political chefs. I haven't seen the term Failed State defined,and every country which has been so described has had civil war somewhere in its past,but it seems to me that present-day Zim is a failed state. Just because there isn't turmoil on the streets doesn't mean all (or anything) is well. Once again I wonder at the docile acceptance of the unacceptable!

When my sons were little,I bought a Peanuts poster showing the lugubrious Charlie Brown with his dog,Snoopy,and the rubric, No problem is so big or so complicated that it cant be run away from. That's our government they seem to hope that if they refuse to recognise the existence of problems, they will go away! The only person who seems to be aware of the problems,is Gideon Gono,who isn't even in the government.

As inflation gathered pace back in July,department stores stopped credit sales. Hitherto, these had allowed customers to buy with zero deposits and pay the balance over 3 6 months. Obviously,with an inflation rate like ours,despite the payment coming to 200% of the original selling price,the customers were still winning. Now,it is said, Gono has leant on the stores to reinstate credit sales,and they have agreed to do so, but with a repayment period of 3 4 weeks tops!

And just to add to the sense of isolation,Zambian Airways have cancelled their daily flights between Lusaka and Harare effective the end of this month,saying they don't make a profit on the route. There cant be many carriers left still flying into Harare other than Scare Zim,and they cant be making a profit either!

Here are today's supermarket prices the prices on 31.10.07 are in brackets. Then, a pound bought Z$2 million - my latest rate was $4 million (+ 100%). Changes are expressed as percentages,and n/a means not available.

Eggs: $2.4mill/dozen large ($480,000 9 weeks ago - +400%)
Gouda Cheese: n/a
Milk: $400,000/litre ($165,000 - + 142%)
Bread: n/a
Potatoes: $730,500/kg ($495,500 - + 47%)
Fat-free mince: $9mill/kg ($1.2 mill/kg 9 weeks ago (not fat-free) - + 650%)
Mealie meal: n/a
Cooking oil: n/a
Tomatoes: $980,000/kg ($362,500 - + 170%)
Bananas: $830,000/kg ($370,000 - + 124%)
Sausages: $21,200,000/kg ($1,610,000 - + 1,118%)

It can be seen that prices have,with one exception,more than doubled (in some cases,very much more!) in four weeks. The sausage price I had to read three times,following the figures with my finger because I could scarce believe that it had gone up so much in 4 weeks (the price was $10,600,000 for 500g). For sausages to cost 2 times what mince costs seems ridiculous perhaps its the cost of the unavailable bread! Eggs,although still sold by the tray,were quoted to me at $200,000 per egg! (which,at Z$4 million to ₤1,means an egg costs 5p.) Petrol from the pirates beside the filling station in Avondale costs $11.5 million for 5 litres,up 92% from 4 weeks ago.

On Monday,turning over in my mind what I could possibly find as an upbeat note on which to end this letter,I went to The Cheeseman on the scooter,and there it was the happiness of riding along Sherwood Drive in my shirt sleeves under a canopy of flamboyant trees in bloom,while above that canopy,the sun shone out of a blue sky with fleecy white clouds. I compared this with the last time I was in Britain in November,when the skies were grey and releasing unceasing drizzle,and the weather was cold and miserable (as was I!). Yes, Zim still has something to be said for it!

And on that note, let me take my leave! Richard

Puerto Vallarta Stand Up

2007-12-07T23:52:00.000-08:00

Puerto Vallarta, wherever you are, please stand up.

So I was standing in the line at the pharmacy and overheard the pharmacist and patient in front of me having a conversation. Here's the interesting part:

Patient: I need it today because I'm going off on holiday.
Pharmacist: I can get that for you, where are you going?
Patient: I'm going to Puerto Viagra in Mexico.
Pharmacist: I hear it's lovely there.

Amazingly the pharmacist managed to wipe her smile within a split second of realizing that the patient had no idea what she'd just said.

I'm sure that Puerto Vallarta is going to be able to stand-up to its new name. I'm just not sure how long for. Is it 24-hours?

The versions are regressing

2007-11-28T20:34:00.000-08:00

Usually, when you bring out a new software product, you increase the version number. This is what the Romans did with their Roman Numerals when they were still making software.

Microsoft have just released the third version of their C# Compiler and have given it the version number 3.5. The first one they versioned 7.1 and the second one 8.0. I'm going to send Microsoft a letter and explain how the versioning system works.

Or... Are Microsoft becoming environmentally friendly and recycling everything including version numbers?

(Click image to zoom to full image.)

O'Doul's - restricted or not?

2007-11-25T12:42:00.000-08:00

O'Doul's is my favorite non-alcoholic lager. If you stick a wedge of lime in the neck I can't tell the difference between it and a Corona except for the fact that I exaggerate a little more after the Corona.

The drinking laws in the United States prohibit anyone under the age of 21 from buying booze. So the question that I have asked several times: Is O'Doul's restricted for sale to under-21's or not?

Next time that you're in a restaurant ask a waitress this question. 95% of the time they will not know. The other 5% of them will be divided on the answer.

I thought that I'd found the answer when shopping at Safeway's. I bought some O'Doul's and at the checkout the register to not ask the cashier to check my I.D. So that must be it I decided, it's not regarded as a restricted drink.

To my surprise, however, when shopping at Fry's Supermarket the register ask the cashier to check my I.D. So apparently Fry's have classified it as alcoholic and Safeway's as non.

So if you're under-21 and want to buy it you need to shop at Safeway's and not Fry's. This is of course a moot point as no self-respecting under-21er would risk damaging their reputation by buying a non-alcoholic lager. This is a drink that will only be bought by someone with the choice.

Full moon rise

2007-11-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

This evening there was a full moon and the moonrise was just after the sunset (5:21pm Arizona Time) so I thought that I would try and capture the moonrise on camera.

I hiked to the top of Piestewa Peak as this would be a great point from which to watch it. It was a fairly chilly day so I tried to time my arrival at the top as closely to the moonrise as possible. I was, however, about 20 minutes early. This meant that by the time the moon had showed itself I was shivering from cold.

I did get these shots which I'm averagely pleased with. I think that there may have still been too much light to make this a great full moon rise.

Depending on how cold it is I might try and do this again next month.

Junk Mail

2007-11-17T17:55:00.000-08:00

I've started sending empty envelopers back to companies who send me annoying junk mail with return envelopes to buy stuff. I'm wondering if anybody else does this?

I'm thinking that companies should start numbering their envelopes so that when they receive an empty one they will know that the person wants to be taken off the mailing list. A bit like clicking the remove me link on emails to stop receiving them.

If everyone started returning empty envelopes then the cost of sending out mailings would soar and would force companies to reconsider who they mailed. I have heard that only 2 to 5% of mailings are responded to. If that's the case then the cost of receiving return mail would rise by a factor of 20 to 50 times what it currently is if everyone returned their envelopes.

I'm curious to know if others have opinions or ideas along this theme...

Soft Latin Rap

2007-11-13T18:44:00.000-08:00

I was listening to Julieta Venegas' Eres Para Mi on the way home from work on the radio and was trying to work out its classification. It's an excellent song but seems to be in an unusual category of soft Latin rap. Does anybody know the more commonly known classification for this type of music?

Lango Massi

2007-11-11T10:49:00.000-08:00

We went to the Deli Palace a couple of days ago and had one of the best curries I've had in a long time - excluding of course the ones that my wife makes makes. Before we'd even sat down the waitress asked what we'd like to drink. I spoonerised Mango Lassi into Lango Massi. The waitress almost collapsed laughing. How very rude of her.

Not Authorized

2007-11-06T20:17:00.000-08:00

Good quote at a conference today:

"We're speaking as people who are not authorized to speak about this stuff"

Copper Bark Tree?

2007-11-05T06:28:00.001-08:00

Went hiking in Crown King yesterday and came across this tree with a copper bark and I can't identify it. Anybody know what it is?

I seems that half the trunk is covered with this copper bark and the other half is bare.

I have tried to search for the obvious "Coppper Bark Tree" etc. but nothing shoes up yet...

EDIT: Thanks to Melodie (see comments) this tree was identified as a Manzanita. More about it in Wikipedia here: Manzanita.